I don't know about you, but I am sick of feeling the pressure to say “yes” all the time. In the pursuit of self-care, I am finally learning to say “no” — and to protect my “no.” It's about more than just time management; it’s about prioritizing my well-being and setting boundaries to protect my mental and physical health.
From no on, I am living by the maxim, “if it's not a ‘hell yes,' then it's ‘hell no!'”
Embracing the Power of No
Have you ever found yourself agreeing to do something and regretting it almost instantly? This was my story for most of my life. I would consistently overcommit and then instantly regret it. For years, positivity has been synonymous with saying “yes” to every opportunity. But true positivity sometimes means saying “no” to protect our priorities.
When you say no, you're not shutting people out or closing doors. Instead, you’re choosing what truly matters and saving your energy for it. It’s about making decisions that align with your values and goals.
The 48-Hour Rule
This is my secret sauce. My transformative “48-hour rule.” What is it? Simply put, if someone asks you to do something within the next 48 hours, your default answer should be “no.” Why? Because most of us have a pretty clear idea of what we are doing at least two days ahead of time. Shifting things around to squeeze in last-minute plans often compromises your own needs.
I can't think of a single time when I agreed to something within 48 hours and I didn't have to give something else up that was important to me. And the VAST MAJORITY of the time, it's just not worth it.
Think of it like this: fitting in unexpected requests is like rearranging a completed puzzle. The result is often messy, leaving you scrambling to get back on track. Instead, by utilizing to this rule, you protect your time and energy while reducing stress and resentment.
What happens when you agree to something WITHIN that 48 hours?
You sacrifice self care! That's right. When you relax your personal boundaries and shift your schedule around to accommodate new plans, you often set aside the things you need to do for yourself. This is a recipe for disaster — or at least, burnout.
I am a huge believer in self-care, especially for moms (because that's the kind of burnout I know). I even wrote a post about it — self care for moms (very original title, right?). Practicing self care is essential to your mental health and is more important than any event we might think we need to attend.
Defining Clear Goals
This is another big one. Knowing what you want to achieve can be your compass in decision-making. For instance, this year, I am focusing on my physical, mental, and spiritual health. If it does not fit in one of those buckets, it's out. Just to clarify, I do consider maintaining my relationships to be part of my mental health. My people are very important to me, you know who you are 😉
If an activity or request falls outside of your core priorities, it's easier to decline. This doesn’t mean you’re selfish; it means you’re honoring your commitments to yourself. By focusing on these areas, you can cultivate a healthier, more balanced life.
The Struggles of a People Pleaser
Many people, especially those who have faced trauma, like myself, share a common struggle: the tendency to people-please. This often leads to burnout as they put everyone else’s needs before their own. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards change.
If you’ve spent years bending over backwards, setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first. But it's liberating. Remember, you’re not just saying “no” to others; you’re saying “yes” to yourself and that is everything!
Building a Routine
While setting boundaries is crucial, so is establishing a routine. Morning and evening routines can serve as sacred moments dedicated just for you. Though creating these habits might take time, they are so very worth it!
A friend of mine suggests the “5 Habits in 5 Routine” — five minutes of five different habits, both morning and night. It’s a simple yet effective way to dedicate time to your health and peace of mind. Her bite-sized YouTube video further explains the process: 5 Habits in 5 Routine.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries by using the power of “no” isn’t about missing out; it’s about making room for what truly matters. It’s about staying true to yourself and your goals, ensuring that your mental and physical health take priority.
If you're new to this journey, remember that it’s okay to seek support and advice. We’re stronger when we learn from each other and share our experiences. As you move forward, keep protecting your boundaries and saying your powerful “no” with confidence.
Please comment below to share your experiences or advice with creating and maintaining those boundaries. I'd love to hear from from you!
Cheers to taking control of your life and well-being! After all…
“if it's not a ‘hell yes,' then it's ‘hell no!'”